Friday night.
Mike Tyson: certified bad-boy of heavyweight boxing and former king of the knockout. Now 58 and beyond the pale, hosting a podcast where he smokes weed and talks about doing mushrooms. Also don’t forget he went to jail for rape, and bit a man’s ear off.
Jake Paul: internet sensation turned boxer, rapper of “It’s Everyday Bro”, investor, brother of Logan. The internet’s most hated boogeyman, perhaps best known for crypto pump-and-dump scams and annoying, insensitive content. He has, however, been accused of far darker: two allegations of sexual assault/ harassment also hang over his head.
So, in this battle of predators (convicted & alleged, respectively), who will win? Who cares? Why is the biggest boxing event of the year between two objectively terrible people?
These pantomime villains are boxing’s answer to a fighting world full of personality. From wrestling to UFC to boxing, fights have become so personal. Of course, they aren’t really – maybe Conor McGregor (another fighter fighting rape allegations) has convinced his own coked-up brain that he cares about beating Khabib, but these people are all INCREDIBLY well paid. This is a job, and the fact it entails beating someone up is nothing more than a happy bonus for these guys, a lot of whom would probably do it for free down the pub anyway. This personal touch drives ticket sales, the spitting and slapping at weigh ups nothing more than free, scripted advertising. People buy into a grudge match. They love hatred – wrestling’s influence is such that all of these fights are no longer content just being sports, they have to be STORIES.
And make no mistake… this particular story is a tragedy.
To see these two men enter the ring is strange: Paul has bulked up, grown a beard, a far cry from the Disney-friendly look he used to wear. His tattoos give him the air of a racist in prison, his big beard and severe undercut giving his head a remarkably oblong shape. Tyson is in great shape, for someone approaching sexagenarianism, but he moves like an older man. His face tattoo that used to strike fear into the hearts of the cast of The Hangover now inspires nothing but sympathy, this complicated and strange figure emblematic of the ‘80s-‘90s obsession with problematic men.
Paul has trained all his life for this moment: a huge, hammy exhibition match, netting him reportedly $40 million. He lashes out and slices, hungry for the money he doesn’t need.
The ageing fighter struggles to keep up; his fists, once regarded as weapons, chasing limply after the YouTuber.
Why is he allowed into the ring? A 58-year-old man, plagued with health problems, being beaten up by a young sprightly chap in the Prime of his boxing career.
This freak show begins to undermine Jake Paul’s 11-1 record, his matches just Punch and Judy slapstick meat-mashing of novelty opponents.
It’s not completely one sided, as Tyson gets a few big hits off, but to anyone who saw this man in his prime it’s a sad showing. His former nuclear flurries of pure fury are diluted, his speed dulled, and Paul even takes mercy on him and doesn’t go in for the kill. If this were a sixty-year-old facing a young Iron Mike, they would be dead by now, and we’d all be wondering how this was allowed to happen.
Tyson’s knee brace just serves as a constant reminder of the sheer dystopia of it all, an aging celebrity wheeled out rather than someone less famous who could give Paul a better fight. This mad, cynical business lost its way a long time ago: this contrived contest a far cry from Ali’s natural theatricality – less sting-like-a-bee and more WWE.
Obviously Paul wins it in the end.
In an interview pre-match with 14-year-old Jazzy’s World TV, Tyson was asked about legacy. His reply: “Legacy means absolutely nothing to me. I’m just passing through. I’m gonna die and it’s gonna be over. Who cares about legacy after that?”
Legacy may mean nothing to Mike, but maybe it should. This titan of boxing ringing the death knell may be nothing more than a cash grab for him, but for anyone who cares about the state of boxing’s future, it’s a very serious matter indeed.
